Ariel

This randomly popped to mind as I was writing some points down for my Brand Management essay.

When I was an adolescent (6? 7?), I used to have a friend cum neighbour whom I used to spend my evenings with. Her name was Lee Ping. Or at least that's what I used to call her. She's the daughter of Dr Chan. Or was it Chong. My memory is really rusty when it comes to people's names. Anyway, as a child, my cousins and I used to have this ridiculous obsession with 'The Little Mermaid". Yes, the Disney cartoon. As expected, my favorite character was Ariel. I used to buy coloring books and story books on the Little Mermaid. We (cousins and I) used to rewind and play the starting of the movie where she sang (aaaahhhh aahhhhh...) and sang along with her. Of course, everyone wanted to be Ariel at that time. Even my guy cousin. All competed on who had the nicest voice. The obsession doesn't stop there. We used to watch the movie ALL THE TIME. I swear if I had a penny for everytime we played that cartoon, I could've bought myself a car. A toy car. Ok lame.

So back to Lee Ping. She would come to my house everyday at 6pm, or we'd go and play in the park. One particular day, we decided to stay indoors and just draw some 'art'. As per usual, I'd suggest we draw Ariel and color her in. Though to be creative, we'd have to draw her without looking at her pictures to copy from. Also, to make it more interesting, we'd make it a competition and ask my mum to judge on who has the better Ariel. So I drew my Ariel. She had long flowy hair, big eyes and all the works. I don't remember it being that good but at that time, I was pretty smug with myself.

And so came the time for both of us to reveal our artwork. You can just imagine how ridiculously annoyed and angry I was when Lee Ping drew Ariel with SHORT hair, and insisted that she still looked pretty. I argued saying Ariel HAD to have long hair. So in the end, as planned, we went to my mum to judge our drawings. Lee Ping and I both had on a pretty sour face already. So, my mum being the sweet person that she is, obviously chose Lee Ping's drawing and said that it is up to Lee Ping if her imagination of Ariel included her having short hair.

I was so MAD. So we argued and argued about a stupid drawing until she finally gave up and went back home. Honestly speaking, I can't remember the next time I had her over. The next time we met was when both of us were teenagers again, as they moved away and moved back to the area after a few years. So in a way, we fought and drifted apart and neither one of us cared, because we were so young and probably didn't understand the whole concept of fighting. I do however still remember the day she stomped of my back gate to enter her own back gate. She was wearing a yellow tshirt and khaki colored shorts. Oh, and she brought her drawing with her. I remember thinking how dumb she was to argue with me about Ariel's hair. Hello? I was the one watching it repetitively and you suka suka je nak tukar rambut dia. Yes, that was what's in my head when I was 7. Not now, btw.

Come to think of it, I can be so difficult as a kid sometimes. It's a wonder I had any friends at all. My aunts and uncles keep reminding me of how they will purposely recite the ABCs in a nonsensical order, just to get me all fired up and recite the ABCs in the correct order to them. I was 3.

Honestly, I can't remember when I started becoming more tolerable and adaptive. I'm guessing boarding school taught me a lot. I know I'm still stubborn and hot headed at times, but I guess I'm more receptive as compared to when I was younger. Here's to growing up and InsyaAllah, a whole lot more of growing up to come =)

Command+N

This always happens.

I always see people ranting in their blogs about ex bfs and I get really inspired. It's funny, reading their stories amuses me sometimes and makes me want to complain about my own experiences too. Subsequently, I'll start writing and juxtaposing sentences here and there. Towards the end, I'll have a run through read. Everytime, whatever that's been written would seem so petty and childish. Even my carefully arranged sentences seem like it doesn't fit. So every time, I'll delete and write about something else.

I guess I'm not really bothered anymore and as much as it used to amuse me of how affected I am by relationship problems, it amuses me more of how I no longer am. I'm always the girl who thrives on being annoyed at some guy.

I guess, when I do meet someone worthy of all that, I'm pretty sure I won't even have the time to arrange sentences or have a run-through, and just like that, a post from the heart arises. InsyaAllah, it will be about good things, because it's the good things that's worth remembering, and it's the good things that inspires your everyday life, for you to become a much better, loving person.

Skin

When I was younger, I used to have a lot of pimples across my forehead. My mum freaked out more than I did, I thought it was just the nature of growing up. So she bought me 'Oxy' and practically had to force me to use it religiously. At that time, I really don't see why she was making such a huge deal about skin/pimples/acnes. I really should thank her thought. Because of what she did, I was lucky enough to go through secondary school without terrible acne problems. Don't get me wrong. I don't have soft, luscious skin that's anywhere close to perfect, but it's been kind to me.

HOWEVER.

I can feel they're coming back! I have been really careless with skin care lately. I use Clinique for dry skin because I have really really dry skin and studying in a country where the weather is inconsistent, does not help at all. As crazy as it sounds, Malaysia's humid weather serves the perfect habitat for my skin. So as of this moment, I not only have really dry skin, but a spotty one too. Now I regret for taking my skin too much for granted. Just because you don't have acnes for years, does not mean they will not pop out in the future.

So, I am taking a more serious approach to this problem. Not only will I religiously use my cleanser, toner and moisturizer, I am going to...

...start wearing anti-aging cream. Yes, that is no longer a "hahaha? YOU wear anti-aging cream?"

Believe it or not, I actually should have started using it about 2 years ago. Studying actually tend to strain your eyes and more often than not, staring into the computer screen till late night does not do justice for the skin around the edges of your eyes. In other words, you will, develop eyebags if you don't watch out. Ever come across a lady who claims she is 30 but looks 40? That could easily happen to you if you don't take care of skin seriously. Our skin needs certain types of nutrient, and most of the nutrient comes from the food we eat and the kind of temperature we dwell ourselves in. Because some of us are too lazy to practice healthy eating and sometimes we don;t have the choice but to be stuck at the office 9-5 everyday (airconditioning at a blast), we NEED to apply this anti-aging/wrinkle cream.

I want you to now look into the mirror and see if you can spot a crease near your eyes. Or simpler, try looking at a photo of you 3 years ago and a recent photo of you now. There is a slight difference isn't it? Many call it maturing. I call it aging, and indeed we are. We are aging. So a friendly reminder to all women, let us all take care of our skin, and give it the nutrient it needs.

Also, a BIG no-no. Never ever sleep with your make up on. If you're that lazy to wash your face after a late night out, buy those face wipes (preferably 'simple') and just use that to wipe all the make up from your face, chuck the wipe anywhere you like after using, and go to sleep. You can clean that in the morning. Make up though, never wait till morning.

Here's to a more youthful look for us women. May we look younger than our men when we reach 60 ;P

As Nature Made Him

I wanted to write about the book in my own words but I'm just plain lazy that way =p. So, here's a good ol' extract from wikipedia!

David Reimer was born as a male identical twin in Winnipeg, Manitoba. His birth name was Bruce; his twin brother was named Brian. At the age of 6 months, after concern was raised about how both twins urinated, both boys were diagnosed with phimosis. They were referred for circumcision at the age of 8 months. On April 27, 1966, a urologist performed the operation using the unconventional method of cauterization. The procedure did not go as doctors had planned, and David Reimer's penis was burned beyond surgical repair.^[1]

Reimer's parents, concerned about their son's prospects for future happiness and sexual function without a penis, took him to Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore to see John Money, apsychologist who was developing a reputation as a pioneer in the field of sexual development and gender identity, based on his work with intersex patients. Money was a prominent proponent of the 'theory of Gender Neutrality'; that gender identity developed primarily as a result of social learning from early childhood and could be changed with the appropriate behavioral interventions. The Reimers had seen Money being interviewed on the Canadian news program This Hour Has Seven Days, where he discussed his theories about gender. He and other physicians working with young children born with abnormal genitalia, believed that a penis could not be replaced but that a functional vagina could be constructed surgically, and that Reimer would be more likely to achieve successful, functional sexual maturation as a girl than as a boy.^[2]

They persuaded his parents that sex reassignment would be in Reimer's best interest, and, at the age of 22 months, surgery was performed to remove his testes. He was reassigned to be raised as a female and given the name Brenda. Psychological support for the reassignment and surgery was provided by John Money, who continued to see Reimer annually for about ten years for consultations and to assess the outcome. This reassignment was considered an especially valid test case of the social learning concept of gender identity for two reasons. First, Reimer had a twin brother, Brian Reimer, who made an ideal control since the two not only shared genes and family environments, but they had shared the intrauterine environment as well. Second, this was reputed to be the first reassignment and reconstruction performed on a male infant who had no abnormality of prenatal or early postnatal sexual differentiation.

For several years, Money reported on Reimer's progress as the "John/Joan case," describing apparently successful female gender development, and using this case to support the feasibility of sex reassignment and surgical reconstruction even in non-intersex cases. Money wrote: "The child's behavior is so clearly that of an active little girl and so different from the boyish ways of her twin brother." Notes by a former student at Money's lab state that during the followup visits, which only occurred once a year, Reimer's parents routinely lied to lab staff about the success of the procedure. Twin brother Brian Reimer later proved to be schizophrenic.

Reimer had experienced the visits to Baltimore as traumatic rather than therapeutic, and when Dr. Money started pressuring the family to bring him in for surgery during which a vagina would be created, the family discontinued the follow-up visits; from 22 months into Brenda's teenaged years Reimer urinated through a hole surgeons had placed in the abdomen.Estrogen was given during adolescence to induce breast development. Having no contact with the family once the visits were discontinued, John Money published nothing further about the case to suggest that the reassignment had not been successful.

Reimer's later account, written two decades later with John Colapinto, described how, contrary to Money's reports, when living as Brenda, Reimer did not identify as a girl. He was ostracized and bullied by peers, and neither frilly dresses (which he was forced to wear during frigid Calgary winters) nor female hormones made him feel female. By the age of 13, Reimer was experiencing suicidal depression, and told his parents he would commit suicide if they made him see John Money again. In 1980, Reimer's parents told him the truth about his gender reassignment, following advice from Reimer's endocrinologist and psychiatrist. At 14, Reimer decided to assume a male gender identity, calling himself David. By 1997, Reimer had undergone treatment to reverse the reassignment, including testosterone injections, a double mastectomy, and two phalloplasty operations. He also married a woman and became a stepfather to her three children.

His case came to international attention in 1997 when he told his story to Milton Diamond, an academic sexologist who persuaded Reimer to allow him to report the outcome in order to dissuade physicians from treating other infants similarly. Soon after, Reimer went public with his story and John Colapinto published a widely disseminated and influential account inRolling Stone magazine in December 1997.^[3] They went on to elaborate the story in a book, As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl.^[2]

[edit]

Death

Colapinto split the revenues from the book with Reimer, giving him financial security but not freedom from his problems. In addition to his life-long difficult relationship with his parents, Reimer had to deal with the death of his twin brother from an overdose of antidepressants in 2002, unemployment and separation from his wife Jane. On the weekend of May 2, 2004, she told him she wished to temporarily separate; Reimer stormed out of the house and did not return. On May 5 Jane Reimer received a call from the police that they had located her husband but he did not want his location revealed. Two hours later, they called again, informing her of his suicide. Reimer had returned home while she was out and retrieved a shotgun, sawing off its barrel before leaving. On that morning of May 5, he drove to the nearby parking lot of a grocery store, parked his car and fatally shot himself in the head.^[4]

Depressing stuff, huh? Apparently, that surgery on babies was normal at that time, and it was depicted as trying to 'save' the child from psychological burden in the future. Bunch of crap.

Tattoos anyone?

In class earlier this week, we talked about body modifications; tattoos, lipo, all the works basically. Oh yes, my subject is called "Hot bodies, Cool flesh, sex, race and culture". Sounds interesting? It is interesting! Except when the tutor went on for an hour about the progress of Foucault, which got a bit boring. I mean, I'm a big fan of Foucault, but not when she reads them out from the reader, which we were supposed to read at our own time.

Anyway, suprisingly, most of the people in my class (most of them are about 18-23), would only go as far as getting a tattoo, although one said she'd probably would get a lip injection but only if she didn't have to pay for it. My classmates (skema jugak sebenarnya) were going on and on about how it's ethically wrong to modify your body and how dangerous it can get. Tattoo-ing for example, could get out of hand. Some get really addicted to the pain, more than the designs, that they end up tattooing their whole body. Results? I won't call it art. I guess, if my religion were to allow me to get a tattoo, I probably would have a think about it, because just imagine how cute and sexy would it be to have a little butterfly on the small of your back? Though, I really think there are a lot of other things to be taken into account as well.

1) You're spending hundreds and possibly thousands of ringgit/dollars to have a little thing stamped on your body.

2) You probably would want it done on a place where people can see, but then what if you grow old and that design doesn't really suit you anymore?

3) Which brings you to think about getting it taken out, which is going to cost more money.

4) Or if the design tattoo-ed on is wrong, you'd be depressed forever.

5) It's painful.

And so much more. That is just my opinion by the way. I do have friends who have tattoos and they look great. I guess for me, it's like piercing your tongue or eyebrows (which I really really wanted to do once, but too chicken shit to do it). It's in for a while, but for how long can it last?

Though sometimes, I wish I was more daring and just had it done anyway, and prepare for the wrath from the parentals.

Body modification when taken to a higher degree is not something to be taken lightly, especially when doing it for the benefit of someone else. I bet you've all heard about the "Cat Lady" whose husband/partner (not too sure) have a fetish with things that are cat-like, and so she had her face done to look just like a cat. Imagine really high stretched cheekbones, catty eyes and wide mouth. The only thing missing are whiskers. Or what about people who tattoo their eyes? Personal satisfaction can only go so far. A statement however, tells you that there is something significant missing in your life, that you need to prove to people, that you can pull anything off. As much as I'd like to admire that spirit, I sometimes find it foolish and self deprecating.

So people, the next time you're thinking about doing something new to yourself, try cutting or dying your hair, a new set of make-up perhaps or possibly a much safer alternative : Henna. It's safe, it's pretty and it's super cheap too!

Just because I feel like it.

I know I was supposed to disclose on the aforementioned book but I'm in the mood to write something else.

Have you ever come across a situation where you're witnessing your friends talk amongst themselves and it hits you that these people, the 'y' generation, are the people that are currently being heavily scrutinized and observed upon by the society? I know I've posted a few posts about growing up but this is different. Has it ever hit you, that no matter how much you say you'll grow out of this cycle, you will somehow be the person you are now in twenty years to come?

You have one friend who is an amazing candidate for handling great events for the community and he might just be the next finance minister in the cabinet. You have one friend who is super amazing in fashion, she might just be the next Malaysian, bound to receive international recognition for her flair in fashion. You have one friend who is obsessed with filmmaking, he might just be the next Christopher Nolan, who knows? What I'm saying is, at this point, we are heavily developing our own characteristics, personality and interests. There are no more room for multiple personalities to test on, no more room for having one thousand interests and being a master of none and definitely no more room to just kick back and relax. What we are now, would be the people we are bound to be in the rest of the years to come. We are old enough to recognize our true potentials and having said that, it would also be too late to have others try to change your mindset almost immediately. In short, we have to be careful a this prime of age, as to who we choose to be, what we choose to indulge in and whom we choose to get close to.

For all of the above will affect our future. I am not one to say but I believe that by the time you're 21, you're going to be pretty much fixed personality and habit wise and it's vital to foresee that what we opt for, brings out the best in ourselves and reflects our potential, almost accordingly.

Updates

Ramadhan has been smooth sailing, Alhamdulillah. I did not get to perform Tarawikh prayers everyday, but I did get to do on several occasions. Time for updates:

1) I have been obsessed with Retail Therapy (the game)

2) I have been eating rice almost everyday.

3) Uni sucks like always but classes have been good to me. I managed to get very good and dedicated tutors this semester.

4) I made some new friends.

5) God rid of some useless ones. (actually just one and that was the best decision ever made)

6) My brother will be studying in Australia which means I will not be able to further my studies here as the parents need me in Malaysia.

7) I bought a Holga, though I really can't be bothered to use it. Don't know why I got it in the first place.

8) I like someone.

9) I slept with a cat, and that was the best feeling in the whole world.

10) I bought my first pair of winter boots.

11) I have been offered to sing at 2 upcoming weddings.

12) I don't have the intention of being a wedding singer.

13) Due to my verbal diarrhoea, I have been laughed at, in most of my classes this week.

14) I'm looking forward for random conversations.

15) I watched Harry Potter and the Half blood Prince and loved it

16) Will be going back to the gym cos I feel lethargic all the time.

17) Gave our rabbit away to a friend.

18) Almost got kicked out from our house.

19) On a Gilmore Girls rerun

20) Will be posting a better post soon

Oh yes, I've been trying to buy this book called "As Nature made him" by John Colapinto. It's out of stock in Borders and Dymocks, tried to buy from Amazon by they won't post it to Australia (whadeheck) and I really really want to buy it. Why?

I'll let you know what it's all about in my next post. =)

There are certain types of people who'd only remember their friends when their boyfriends are not by their side, and that they need you to not feel alone.

These people are pathetic, no matter how full they think their lives is, they're a carbon copy of people they don't want to grow up to be, but are.

A note to self as well.

Sunny

Was getting a bit sick and tired of the dark and gloomy blog background.

I'm indulging in a new hobby this semester. Let's see how it goes :)

Have you built your castle?

I've been blessed with having two out of four amazing classes this semester, because all we do is watch videos and clips, and analyze them :D

Just today, we were given the chance to watch this short film called "The Castle", which in my opinion, was an eye opener.

It reflected on this particular Australian, working-class family, who did not have much, but treated whatever they owned, like gold. They lived comfortably, in what some may not define as comfort, and luxuriously in their own warmth and closeness. The film portrayed really simple things, but things that we often forget to do, sometimes. For example, the father has this habit of complementing the wife on every meal that she cooked, even if it's just roast chicken with mash, followed by the wife saying thank you, like she really meant it, even though secretly she knows that it sort of has become a habit of his. It's a simple example of appreciating something no matter how small it is, to show that the person doing it, is never taken for granted.

It made me realise that the less you have, the more you are able to appreciate and remember all that is dear to you. You are able to place a memory on every single thing that you receive and be reminded by the good gesture all the time. Also, comfort and luxury is only defined by you and not others. As cliche as this may sound, just think about it. Why is it that some people feel inadequate or inferior when they don't own as much as others, and why is it that some people are just fine as they are?

As human beings, we often find things to define ourselves with, to an extent that we even risk of defining our own happiness on other people's success. It is not wrong to dream big and to want to make a better life for yourself, but never place your happiness based on what others deem as happiness. Always be thankful and content with what you have, and that's all you'll ever need to survive in this world.

In the short film, the family is small, lives in a humble home, but filled with love. I'm a sucker for movies as such. Call it whatever you want; cliche, corny, typical. To me, they're reminders, so that we won't lose ourselves too much, and to be readily defined by others.

We don't need to define ourselves in this world. The world we built and live in, will define us eventually.

Ps: The short film is actually really hilarious. The narration is A+ and everything about it is really witty. A really good combination indeed =)